Fighting For Authenticity

We must always be fighting for our authentic selves. It comes at the cost of the commodity, and the regular production and exchange of the commodity actively convinces us that we are no more than mere commodity. Yet, we can only fully explores ourselves as unique selves if we fight and struggle to create space to do so. Everyday, forces actively work against us, whether they are forces of the need to socially reproduce ourselves in and through work or the forces of social pressure which beckon us to conform. But if we struggle, work and toil to create that special space, and to preserve its wonder and sanctuary of play, self-creation and self-exploration, then we have created something wonderful and beautiful. We do not need to accept what others want of us, what policing words or judgmental glares involve. We are us, wholly and beautifully us. And if we give that up, we give up something essential, critical, integral to our being. We must everyday be following that path, tugging at the pull of what we could and will become, if we follow it, give in to it while not giving in the weakness of giving up. The path is so often lonely and difficult, but if we have faith and trust, we have what we need to survive and thrive. It is the path of who could become, what we want to be.

Being Too Much

The traumas of one relationship often bleed into others

I carry a fear with me about being too much: texting too much, asking too much, inviting too much, and it interferes with a kind of genuine, authentic expression of interest and being

I do like this or that person, and I know I need to restrain myself somewhat, but if I am interested, is it not OK to express that interest?

There is dating advice that suggests I should hold, that I should take care, but this question also comes up in other than the dating world: when is it OK to act? When must we hold and wait and exhibit patience?

These insights often only come with and through time, and they are hard won

But for not, I refuse to worry: I do not want to live in it. I want to enjoy the world and its fullness and my own hesitation does and will inhibit this if I let it dictate my actions.

Instead, why not let my actions dictate?