It's Just A Matter Of Time

Things do have a tendency of turning up, whether they are lost, misplaced, mishandled or mistaken. Things find their ways to places unknown, places heretofore undiscovered. But so often they find their way back again. It is a kind of an eternal return.

I do fixate, I do

I will hear a line, and it will ring true and stab through my very self like a dagger. Watching a brief clip from a dirty harry film the other day, Harry Callahan disobeys his superior in visiting a crime scene that Harry himself feels is his (as it later turns out, his superior had intentionally reassigned him).  In criticism of Harry’s own reputation for being forceful, his superior proudly states that he has never taken his gun out of its holster in all his years on the police force. Harry, knowing his subordinate position and knowing that an outright critique would render him fired, disciplined or demoted, smartly replies: “You’re a good man lieutenant,” in a patronizing manner,” continuing “a good man always knows his limitations.” The lieutenant, while unhappy with the comment, thinks better than to say anything else, knowing he is the authority. After reviewing the scene, Callahan comments to his superior that whoever committed the murders at hand did a good job and that the lieutenant would need someone like him to pursue the murderers. The lieutenant declines. The scene ends with Callahan opening the door of his vintage car while exchanging banter with his partner. His partner asks him “what’s with you and briggs anyway?”  In a self-assured way, Callahan comments that “jealousy, he knows this is the kind of case I should be on: it’s just a matter of time.” Casually watching clips and thinking nothing of the descriptive or prescriptive value they might present for me, I was struck head-in-the-lights by this quote (exaggerating a bit here). This line “it’s just a matter of time” perfectly described a situation I find myself in, and while there is the possibility of betrayal of the significance of the line or misappropriate or misapplication to my own circumstances, it reverberated throughout my body in a way wholly unexpected. And I hadn’t heard this particular phrase in some time, and I think this is why it held such significance. Even a few short words can be produced, reproduced and apply to so much.

What do I make of it? A kind of non-divine insertion of truth in a moment that otherwise was filled with emptiness? Or total coincidence? It is hard to know, but it did affirm some of my own feelings on the matter I feel here reluctant to share too publicly. Words and phrases anchor and buoy us. They inspire and discourage us. We must see them as tools but as tools that can be mishandled and used to hurt. But I do feel I have a pretty good sense of when they are truthful or not, and this is what seems to make all the difference.